I’ve found myself flipping through a lot of bridal magazines lately, with good reason (less than 8 months to go!). Brides have a reputation for being emotionally fragile and extremely suggestible, which means CHA-CHING, BIG MONEY BIG MONEY, GOLD MINE, JACKPOT! for the predatory wedding industry advertisers out there. They love to point out the countdowns, telling you what you should have done at each month’s signpost or you’re a failure doomed to spinsterhood because your family’s laughing at you and your groom can’t fathom how he agreed to marry such a flake. I found an ad that trumped all the other countdown ads, though. It’s an ad for a plastic surgeon and it gives a countdown of what plastic surgery you should have each month leading up to your big day! I’ll scan it in when I can but for now, here’s the gist of it:
Look Your BEST
12 months: Breast augmentation, Rhinoplasty, IPL
9 months: Start laser hair removal treatments, Fat injection
6 months: Start microderm treatments, Liposuction
5 months: MicroLaser peel
3 months: Obagi skin care line
2 months: Restylane, Botox, Hylaform
1 month: Collagen injection
2 weeks: Prescription facial
Now, I’m not so blinded by hard-sell hatred that I think the nice people at the plastic surgery office are telling every bride that they need to get all of these treatments done on this schedule. In fact, I think if any one person got all of this done on this time table, their face might fall off. Ew.
I know the job of the advertiser is to find the weak spots and probe them with their miracle product, but this is just sick. Girls, the most beautiful thing is to be comfortable in your skin on your big day. When you’re standing up there with that person you’re pledging to spend the rest of your life with, will you really be thinking of how glad you were that, six months ago, you let some yahoo with a powersander blast the first layer of skin off your face?