I did what I swore I wouldn’t: watched 9/11 specials on TV. My cousin/best friend/might-as-well-be-sister called tonight and we started talking about that day and I just felt pulled to watch. I’ve been pretty okay, but I haven’t been intently focusing either. Still can’t believe it’s been 5 years. That day feels so far away, but the time in between feels like it hasn’t been that much, if that makes sense. It’s easy to sort of forget parts and just remember that it was a horrific event. I think it’s important, for me anyway, to remind myself of specific elements. I read a story on MSNBC today that was a Dateline segment with the air-traffic controllers that day and what they felt and saw.
I know it probably sounds insane that I’mm doing this with all the emotional turmoil in my own life right now. Right now, though, I’m okay with the wedding. Maybe I got a lot of the drama done earlier, I don’t know, I’m just not really letting stress get to me. I can be pretty high strung and tightly wound but nothing is really fazing me. I’m getting a little anxious in that first-day-of-kindergarten way. This is a huge life change, one of the biggest. I’m excited, but scared of what’s going to change. I’m hearing my friends and family make plans around the big day and it feels weird to not be involved because my weekend is already so jam packed because it’s MY wedding. That’s weird. I’ve gone to plenty of family weddings and done the pre-dinner and post-brunch and the hanging out in the hotel bar or lobby … but now, it’s my gig and I’ll be focused all over the place and it makes me a little sad, I guess. Can’t really explain it.
It’ll all get a little more real when I get over to Rhode Island and into the thick of final preparations.